Even in a world where online dating has become the norm and it's now possible to skip the tiring process of scouring bars and events for other singles in order to get a date, sometimes it's just the thought of going on the date that's tiring. No matter what kind of encounter you plan, it will always require some sort of physical effort.
We're going to put this simply: we all have sexual needs, and sometimes we'd just like to satisfy those needs with human connection that doesn't require the extra effort of meeting someone in person. For that, we have sexting.
Sexting is the act art of sending sexually explicit photos or messages to one or more people. And there are apps specifically for sexting as well as sexting features in apps that are otherwise for dating in person. (Several dating apps began offering more virtual services as a result of the pandemic.)
Is casual sex bad for you?
Thankfully, we no longer live in a world where promiscuity is equated with witchcraft. In fact, hookups are encouraged rather than judged to hell and back, but that in itself can lead to other problems. While it's great (and way beyond time) that people are free to explore their sexuality and seek sexual gratification, it doesn't come without its drawbacks.
The hookup culture surrounding sex can be persuasive — people who might not want casual sex may feel pressured to do so due to its popularity among their peers, the anonymizing design of dating apps, or the depiction of sex in media. Those who do genuinely want sex can be subject to risks such as contracting STDs, dangerous situations, or simply bad sex.
That's not to say that good, healthy, satisfying, and fulfilling hookups don't exist, but anecdotally they can (obviously) come with more complications than sexting on an app. Sexting presents a happy middle ground between mindless porn consumption and actual human interaction. (But if you'd like to add IRL hookups to your sexual repertoire, check out our guide to the best hookup apps of 2022.)
Sexting tips
If you’re considering downloading a dating app for the purpose of sexting, it's important to remember a few basic rules. Yes, there are certainly fewer inhibitions than using a typical dating app to find a potential romantic partner, but there’s still a standard set of boundaries and rules of etiquette you should follow in order for all parties to feel at ease.
- No app can completely protect your privacy for you — that's your job. Though apps like Confide and Dust have certain features that are designed to protect your identity/content, they don't rule out all scenarios. For example, someone doesn't need to take a screenshot to capture a picture you send. They could easily just use another phone or device to snap or record whatever you send. You should always keep this in mind before sending anything that could be compromising, and do your best to make sure you trust the person who's receiving your messages.
- Assess the situation and know your audience. Usually, it doesn't take much more than a few pre-sext texts (or pre-sexts) to gauge whether or not someone is interested in doing the cyber-dirty with you. Take the time to figure that out before you lead with something raunchy and uncalled-for. AKA don't just start throwing dick pics at people left and right if they didn't ask.
- Be respectful: Privacy is sacred. The internet has the scary ability to make fleeting moments very permanent. If someone asks you to keep something to yourself, you'd better do it. While sexting can be light and fun, it also requires a serious level of trust. If you betray that trust, you're ruining it for everybody.
Sexting vs. dating in real life
Real-life dating is obviously the best way to get to know somebody long-term, especially if you're looking for any kind of serious, in-person relationship. And real sex will always be better than sexting. *However,* sexting is an alternative that may help you out in ways you didn't even think about.
Convenience: Whether you plan on actually wining and dining your date or just meeting to hook up, it always requires some extra effort. For those with super hectic schedules or those who just don't have room in their life (for whatever reason) for a steady in-person relationship, sexting is practically a saving grace. After all, your sex drive doesn't go away just because you're busy. Sexting allows you to take care of your sexual needs without putting yourself out.
Freedom: As is the case with most behind-the-screen activities, with sexting, you can let go of your inhibitions a bit and feel more comfortable exploring your sexual side knowing there's a certain barrier between you and the other person. You can experiment with language and ideas that maybe you wouldn’t feel completely comfortable exploring in person.
Safety: We've touched on the reasons why sexting might not be completely safe in terms of privacy, but to its credit, sexting offers an element of safety that in-person meetings don't. Sexting allows you to interact with both people you know and total strangers without putting yourself in dangerous or unwanted physical situations. Your experience should always be what you want it to be, and with sexting, if it's not going in the direction you want, it's just a matter of closing an app.
Exploring trust and intimacy: Getting comfortable with another person in close quarters doesn’t always come naturally for everyone — but opting for sexting gives way to a new level of exploration in terms of intimacy and trust. You don’t ever have to meet the person behind the screen if you don’t want to, but being able to practice feeling vulnerable without any strings attached can be a great lesson in being more open.
Fun: Let’s be honest for a second here. A night of sexting is always going to be a lot more fun than endlessly swiping right on a dating app and starting the same conversation over and over. Having the option of opening an app on your phone and engaging in a little virtual foreplay offers instant gratification and (almost) guaranteed pleasure.
What to look for in a sexting app
- Privacy features: What happens in a sexting app doesn’t always stay in a sexting app; there are no guarantees that your conversations or selfies won’t wind up a screenshot on someone’s phone. That said, certain apps do delete photos and conversations after a certain amount of time if you’re hoping to try to help lessen the chances of something getting leaked.
- Safety: If you’re looking for a night of no-strings-attached fun online, it doesn’t really matter all too much if the person on the other end of your conversation has been verified — but if you do want to ensure you’re not being catfished or chatting with a bot, consider an app that links social media or verifies users.
- Ease of use: You don’t want to find yourself in a hot and steamy conversation trying to figure out how to attach an image or a voice note. When it comes to sexting, the more user-friendly the platform is, the better. You’ll want something that’s efficient and fast.
- Subscription pricing versus free features: How much are you willing to pay for bells and whistles? There are many apps out there that charge a couple of dollars a month for premium features if you’re looking for something a little more catered to your interests, but just as many offer excellent free platforms.
The best dating apps for sexting
Since sexting, by nature, comes with a lot of factors to consider (consent and privacy, for example), we've picked out the best sexting apps to get you off — to a good start, that is. Our number one spot goes to Plenty of Fish for covering the most bases. Its huge pool of singles and strategic new conversation features put it at the top. For privacy-wary sexters, our favorite is Confide, which we like for their Screenshield technology. (More on that later.) Here are the best sexting apps for all your NSFW exchanges.
AdultFriendFinder
Best For Sex Positive Vibes
- 12-month subscription: US$179.40
- Basic version: Free
- One-month subscription: US$27.95
- Three-month subscription: US$59.85
The breakdown: AdultFriendFinder doesn't pretend to be a dating site: It's very much a hookup and sex-oriented platform. The site itself looks like a porn site, so it's not exactly for the faint-hearted — be prepared to see nudes, explicit videos, and dirty text from the moment you log on. AFF is inclusive of all sexual orientations and genders, and there are so many people online at all times, that you're sure to find plenty of suitable matches. You won't be hounded with a bunch of up front, formal dating questions like you would at dating sites like Match, so you can get to chatting right away.
Upon registering, you'll be asked questions about your sexual preferences and experiences to help decide how compatible you might be with other users. Some that pop up are formatted as have-you-ever questions regarding kissing, foreplay, porn, and more.
Why it's good for sexting: Everything on this site screams sex, so you'll be able to find a dirty talk partner really easily. There are lots of active users online constantly, so if you log on and you just really need to sext immediately, there's no shame. You'll be able to find someone to chat with almost immediately. It's a sex-forward community (basically everyone on AFF is looking for the same thing), so you won't have to stumble through small talk to feel out if the other person is looking to get sexy. Your sexual preferences and experiences are used to rank your compatibility with other users too, so you can find a similar (or different) minded person to engage in an online booty call with.
Cons: There's a lot of nudity on the site, so squeamish and first-time sexters might find it a bit graphic. You'll also pay for all the sexual content you're getting, so AdultFriendFinder is quite a bit more expensive than other sites. There aren't any real security or privacy measures either, so it's really left up to you to protect yourself.
Dust
Best For Anonymous Sexting
- Price: Free
The breakdown: Dust is another Snapchat-like app that focuses on disappearing messages with the addition of encryption. Though you can connect your social networks in order to see which of your contacts are also using the app, Dust doesn't require you to sign up with anything other than a username and password. Messages are never permanently stored and are all erased after 24 hours whether they have been read or not. Additionally, users can delete messages from their/other users' phones. Screenshot notifications are a thing, and like Confide, Dust will never show your name on the same page as your message, so a screenshot can never tie you directly to a bit of text.
Why it's good for sexting: Dust is theoretically totally untraceable since you don't have to use self-identifying information to sign up and nothing is ever permanently stored. However, even the most careful sexters have slip-ups and may reveal too much, which is why the "delete message" feature is great.
Downsides: Dust actually does prevent screenshots in some spaces on the app (like messaging), but only on Android. But for other operating systems: anyone can still screenshot what you send, so keep that in mind.
Confide
Best If You're Not Joking About Privacy
- Basic membership: Free
- Confide Plus (premium features): US$9.99/month
The breakdown: Confide was created based on the idea that your online conversations should be as private as your in-person conversations. According to the site, Confide's goal is to allow users to have "honest, unfiltered, off-the-record conversations." It focuses heavily on the "no screenshot" factor. Using "Screenshield technology," all messages sent and received on Confide can only be read one line at a time. To read, users either run their finger or mouse over the message line-by-line until they have read the entire thing (lines will disappear pretty much immediately after they are read). Confide will also never show a user's name on the same screen as the message.
Why it's good for sexting: Nothing quite knocks the libido out of you like finding out your private messages have been screenshot and shared against your will. While a screenshot "notification" might be better than no notification at all, we're pretty sure you'd rather the screenshot just not exist. Confide is your saving grace in that respect, since a screenshot of one line of a sext without your name attached isn't likely to be very incriminating.
Plenty of Fish
Best For Making A Connection
- 12 months Premium: US$119.99
- Basic membership: Free
- Six months Premium: US$89.99
- Three months Premium: US$59.99
The breakdown: Plenty of Fish really has all the makings of a great sexting app. First of all, its reported registered user base is over 150 million worldwide, with 57 million connections made every week. Like its name would suggest, there are plenty of fish in this sea, and odds are, some of them are looking to sext. To conveniently narrow your search, the dating app's (somewhat long) introductory survey allows you to specify what you're looking for upfront. When you choose "something casual/no commitment," you're much more likely to find someone in the same boat as you and can shorten the whole "what are you looking for" step of getting to know someone. Discretion is also something to be valued at Plenty of Fish, since they don't require you to connect any social media when signing up. Technically, you don't even have to use your real name — a username will suffice. Once your profile is created, you can search random profiles based on the criteria of your choice, use their UltraMatch feature which matches you based on compatibility, their “meet me” feature, which is basically the dating site's hot or not option, or just see who’s nearby. All communication between members is totally free, so you don't have much to lose.
Why it's good for sexting: Plenty of Fish rolled out some new features in 2020 that definitely upped its sexting potential. Users can now date over video and even live stream to a group. This lets users get more personal by seeing and even hearing each other in real time (which, let's face it, can be a lot hotter than words on a screen) without having to fork over their phone number.
Cons: Aside from a lengthy sign-up process, some of the features on Plenty of Fish are designed to encourage longer interactions. We imagine few things are worse than realising you don’t even vibe with someone after you’ve already sent them mirror shots of your private bits.
Snapchat
Best For Familiarity
- Price: Free
The breakdown: Snapchat has moved its way up the app food chain to become a staple in the mainstream social media roster, putting it on the same plane as Facebook and Instagram. But we haven’t forgotten its early roots, stepping into the spotlight as the OG sexting app.
You can add all the filters and celebrity stories you want, but Snapchat is still a great sexting app. The app’s main original function enables you to send pictures to other users which will automatically disappear within a few seconds. Users can choose a time limit of 1-10 seconds, or choose the infinity option which lets the recipient view the photo for as long as they want before they close out of the window. Additionally, the app also has a feature that notifies the sender if the recipient screenshots their photo. What that means: you can send bae a brief glimpse of the goods without worrying if they’re secretly showing it to others behind your back.
Why it's good for sexting: The more people are in a space, the more chances you have to find what you’re looking for.
Cons: While the screenshot notification gives you the benefit of knowing when someone screenshots your pictures, it doesn’t really do much for you after the fact, since all you can really do at that point is confront the person and hope they’re respectful of your privacy.
Zoosk
Best If You've Exhausted All Other Options
- 12 months of Premium: US$119.99
- One month of Premium: US$29.99
- Six months of Premium: US$74.99
- Three months of Premium: US$59.99
Tinder
Best For Finding A New Sexting Partner
- 12 months of Tinder Platinum: US$119.99
- 12 months of Tinder Plus: US$31.99
- Basic account: Free
- Free version: Yes
- One month of Tinder Gold: US$24.99
- One month of Tinder Platinum: US$29.99
- One month of Tinder Plus: US$7.99
- Six months of Tinder Gold: US$89.99
- Six months of Tinder Platinum: US$89.99
- Six months of Tinder Plus: US$23.99
- Tinder Gold: US$29.99 per month
- Tinder Platinum: US$39.99 per month
- Tinder Plus: US$9.99 per month
The breakdown: Few haven't heard of Tinder, the widely-used dating app that originated the "swipe right for yes, left for no" concept. The way Tinder works is pretty much just that. Users create a profile to which they can connect their Facebook and Instagram accounts. After filling in some basic info and typing a brief bio (of usually no more than three sentences), users can get to swiping. The app shows you other users based on location, and if you find one you like, just swipe right. If someone you like also swipes right for you, it's a match and you can proceed to message each other.
Why it's good for sexting: While Tinder is technically a dating app, its reputation tends to skew more towards a hookup app. But unlike more serious, paid apps like Match, Tinder tends to attract people who are open to something casual. Tinder's setup also makes for super easy browsing without the hassle of creating an in-depth profile, so you don't have to fill out all the compatibility-focused questions and can instead focus on the reason you're really there — to find someone you think is hot enough to sext with.
The upgraded memberships come with nice perks if you're using the app for sexting, too. With a Tinder Plus membership, you can choose to keep your profile information private until you like another user's profile. With Tinder Gold, you can see who likes you before you swipe, and swipe around the world (for some cultured dirty talk). Finally, with Tinder Platinum, you don't even need to match with someone to message them, just slide into the DMs immediately.
Cons: According to a survey, over 70 percent of Tinder users never actually meet up with their matches in person. Normally this would be considered a con, but in the world of sexting? All we hear is "popular dating app where there's not a lot of pressure to actually meet up." Ding ding ding. We have a winner.
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